Cafeteria Tests New Tide Pod-Infused Menu

Kyle Anthony, Writer

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As a new trend begins to sweep across America, teens everywhere are beginning to eat Tide Pods. Despite their intended use to clean laundry, teenagers have discovered that tide pods are delectable treats. These pods are not only delicious, but they are also full of nutrients perfect for a growing body.

Here at JPII, Pedestal Foods is beginning to serve Tide Pod meals in the lunchroom to try and gain popularity among the student body. After last year’s senior assembly, Pedestal has been attempting to rebuild its reputation by serving new “hip” foods that all the kids are eating.

The first meal the cafeteria served this week was Tide Pod linguini.

When asked about the new dish, senior Garrett Bennett stated, “I’m not sure why they used laundry detergent pods instead of overheated rubbery shrimp. I mean I’m just gonna get the grilled chicken anyway.”  

The only person that ordered the linguini was Coach Parker; however, he was later seen taking the Tide Pods out of the pasta and using them to wash baseball uniforms.

These new dishes have caused controversy within the school. Students and teachers were outraged at the new lunch options.

“Why is the school trying to kill us?” asked senior Oliver Antone. “I’ve eaten five of these so far, and they’re terrible.”

The backlash from the community has caused Pedestal to remove any and all Tide Pods from lunch meals. A public apology was issued to the faculty and the student body, claiming that the staff only wanted to serve food that “the kids would like.” At the end of the statement, Pedestal informed the school that next week no more Tide Pods would be used in dishes, but staff will begin to season their meals with OxiClean.

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6 Comments

6 Responses to “Cafeteria Tests New Tide Pod-Infused Menu”

  1. Dulin Kelly on February 9th, 2018 9:00 am

    HA CLASSIC MAY MAY

    [Reply]

  2. Warner Buell on February 12th, 2018 1:26 pm

    Tide pods are great!!!

    [Reply]

  3. molly agnew on February 13th, 2018 4:56 pm

    I’m kinda bummed tide pods are being taking away. I have never had oxi clean for a seasoning, but I guess you can always try new things.

    [Reply]

  4. Sawyer Watts on February 13th, 2018 11:26 pm

    Tide pods are great with every meal. How could you not serve them? They have a brilliant taste in your mouth.

    [Reply]

  5. Callie Gaffney on February 19th, 2018 12:53 pm

    I’m surprised no one enjoyed the tide pods! Tide pods are my favorite snack. However, OxiClean is a close second.

    [Reply]

  6. Colin Smith on February 27th, 2018 12:31 pm

    I am BIG MAD! I think Tide Pods are a great and nutritious part of each meal, so I don’t see why everyone thinks they are nasty. If you eat one every morning like I do, you will never fall asleep in class again!

    [Reply]

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